We Must Understand What Reviling is and What the Reviler Looks Like

Luk 6:22 “Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man!

1Co 5:11 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler–not even to eat with such a one.

1Co 6:9-11 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, (10) nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. (11) And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

I have written several times before about this matter of the reviler, but it is so important of a subject that it bears repeating quite often. A reviler is a person who villifies others. That is, the reviler accuses others and makes them the villain. Villification is to accuse and slander and charge someone with evil, but very typically the word is used in the context of false accusations. And that is what we have in Scripture. A reviler is a person who assaults others with his tongue, who makes false accusations, who guilts and shames his targeted victim.

Now first of all notice carefully from the above verses that a reviler is not a Christian. Nope. Not. The thing is impossible. Some Christians used to be revilers, but once they were washed clean by faith in Christ they revile no more.

Notice also that the worst revilers in Scripture – such as the Pharisees – were quite religious. They claimed to be the people of God. And so it is today. Revilers hide in the visible church, disguised by a facade of saintliness. They are quite deceptive and intentionally do their share of what we call “crazy-making.”

Let me give you some examples.

Bob is a reviler. He is also a church leader. A Bible study teacher. He is viewed by most everyone as a very zealous and “holy” Christian. And yet there is something about Bob that is evident to at least a few of his fellow church members. Bob can be smiling and very helpful, a real servant you know. He can participate with you in an interesting theological discussion. But then, in some unexpected way and time, Bob blasts you. He might say things like this:

  • You should not have bought your new house. It is too far away from the church building and you have no accountability.
  • You were not patient enough with that man who verbally attacked you. You need to show him GRACE! for pete’s sake. (the caps indicate a virtual shouting volume by Bob)
  • You are not being kind enough to so and so.
  • I know what you are thinking about doing and I think it is wrong.
  • I remember when you….

And on and on we could go. You get the idea. Bob is a reviler. Revilers accuse. Revilers make other people (never themselves) the villain. Why does the reviler revile? Because like all abusers he craves power and control over his targeted subjects. He lusts to be numero uno and wants to be seen and praised by others for his zeal. And he likes to keep you off guard so that you are easier to control. After all, if you don’t realize Bob is a reviler by his very nature, if you think he is a genuine Christian who happens to be a bit difficult at times, then you are not going to be able to expose Bob for what he really is.

Revilers keep us down. They load us up with shame and false guilt. They make us believe that we are the problem and that we really just don’t measure up to Bob’s level of sanctity. Therefore, the Lord commands us to be wise, to know a reviler when we see them, and put them out from among us, having nothing to do with them.

Otherwise, I can assure you, you will continue to keep getting in the traumatic train wreck the “Bobs” around us love to cause, and there will never be true peace in our lives or in our church if we keep Bob around.

The Wicked Blame Everyone but Themselves

Mal 1:6-7 “A son honors his father, and a servant his master. If then I am a father, where is my honor? And if I am a master, where is my fear? says the LORD of hosts to you, O priests, who despise my name. But you say, ‘How have we despised your name?’ (7) By offering polluted food upon my altar. But you say, ‘How have we polluted you?’ By saying that the LORD’s table may be despised.

If you have dealt with thoroughly evil people – domestic abusers, sociopaths, rank hypocrites who claim to be Christians but do not know the Lord – then you know that they never accept blame for their sins. They always blame others – particularly their victims.

You see this very thing here in Malachi. The wicked are such deceivers that they even deceive themselves, entering into contention with God! “How have we despised your name?” “How have we polluted you?” Here is another example:

Mal 2:13-14 And this second thing you do. You cover the LORD’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. (14) But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.

And still another:

Pro 30:20 This is the way of an adulteress: she eats and wipes her mouth and says, “I have done no wrong.”

Over and over and over we see this pattern, and if we are going to be wise in regard to evil then we had better thoroughly understand that this is how the wicked operate. Accusing. Blaming. Guilting. Everyone but themselves.

Here is an evil man who habitually, deceptively, and horribly abuses his wife. Oh, he claims to be a Christian and people at church think he is just the most saintly fellow around. So when his wickedness percolates to the surface – perhaps when his victim comes forward and asks for help – very few want to believe her. And even if, over the course of time, the evidence piles up so that the hypocrite is obviously exposed for what he is, what happens inevitably is that those who have to deal with him end up being the ones primarily blamed.

  • They weren’t gracious enough
  • They didn’t forgive him
  • They didn’t handle things as we think they should have
  • They told the whole church and should have kept it confidential
  • Etc, etc, etc

Here you are, perhaps a church elder or a counselor or a pastor or perhaps just the victim’s friend. This evil abuse comes to the surface. It has to be dealt with. Now, unless you are a phony yourself, or a coward, you hunger and thirst for righteousness. Justice must be done. And so you act. Well guess what? The abuser and his allies will now move their sights to YOU! Count on it. The thing is certain.

This shifts blame, you see, off the truly guilty one and puts the focus on others. We see it in the news every single day. An evil criminal is out doing his evil – perhaps even murdering people – and the police catch him. What happens? Soon loud outcries are pouring out of people against the police. Everyone seems to have short term amnesia, forgetting the fact that – “hey, this all started with the criminal! The police didn’t create the situation. They just had to deal with it.”

And so it is when we confront the wicked who are oppressing victims. It happens in the local church all the time (at least in churches where evil is truly exposed and dealt with as the Lord commands). Pretty soon the focus shifts from the wicked man to the victims and to those who did not ask to have to deal with the situation but who are charged with doing so. Now they are being blamed and the real culprit loves it.

There are many people who hate me. Why? Because as a pastor myself and our elders had to deal with evildoers. They didn’t like how we dealt with them. Which is to say, by the way, they didn’t liked that we DID deal with them! Soon, people started listening to their outcries. “They didn’t handle this right. They should have…they should not have…they were too harsh…” and on and on.

But the reality is…what? The evildoer is the one who started the whole thing with his wickedness.

Do righteousness and you will have nothing to fear. Walk in evil and you have no complaint about how you are dealt with.

Rom 13:3-4 For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, (4) for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer.

 

Lessons in Discerning False Victim Advocates

1Peter 5:2-3 shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; (3) not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.

In my last post, I showed you sermon outlines and a church position paper from a church that claims to be an advocate for victims of abuse. I stated in that post that a church that has the rules and policies outlined in those documents is most certainly not a church for victims to entrust themselves to. We continue to see far too many professing Christian organizations, pastors, local churches, counseling agencies and so on who claim to be experts on the issue of abuse and who energetically invite (or even require) victims to place themselves in their hands. We must be wise and not be duped. The visible church abounds in “nice” people, but far too often these nice ones turn out to be Pharisees who desire to exercise power and control that the Lord has not given them.

Here, once again, is the position paper which that same church (from my previous article) published. I encourage you to read through it again. Immediately following the document I have pasted in several comments which I received from abuse survivors and true abuse victim advocates. Those comments will help you see in more clarity why any supposed victim advocate agency that holds to such positions is not a resource to trust and in fact will, in the end, enable the abuser and further oppress the victim.

As I expected, I received loud outcries from those I criticized in my previous post, denying that what I said about them is true. But I have grown quite familiar with this kind of duplicity. I have seen it over and over again. Claiming one thing, but practicing something entirely different.

Here then, once more, is that position paper (from a church that claims to be a champion of abuse victims). I have included my own boldface to emphasize particularly revealing portions of this paper:

CHURCH DOCTRINAL ELDER PAPER

Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage

Prerequisites for Marriage

1. God’s design is for one man to be married to one woman, for life.
Gen. 1:27 …male and female He created them. Gen. 2:24 & Eph 5:31 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

2. The foundational requirement for Christian marriage is that a believer should not marry an unbeliever. 2 Cor. 6:14-18 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness?

3. A couple must have a pure relationship if they desire to know God’s will about marriage.

1 Thess. 4:3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality.

4. Those preparing for marriage should also be mature and responsible so that they can meet the appropriate biblical expectations of the partners in marriage.
Eph. 5:22-33 wives, be subject… Husbands, love your wives…

1 Tim. 5:8 But if any one does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse that an unbeliever.

Foundational Principles of Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage

1. Marriage was established by God to be a life-long, intimate, covenantal relationship between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:18, 24; Malachi 2:14; Proverbs 2:17). Jesus issued a general guideline that what God joins together, man should not separate (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9).

2. Christians must exhaust all biblical means to preserve their marriage. Permanence in the marriage relationship has been, and always will be, God’s ideal and intention.

3. While every divorce involves sin, not every divorce is sinful (Jeremiah 3:6-10; cf. 1 Corinthians 7:15; Jeremiah 31:31-32; Deuteronomy 24:1-4).

4. This pursuit of permanence may involve enduring a marriage that is less than God’s ideal (1 Corinthians 7:12-14, 16; 1 Peter 3:1-2). The desire for God’s glory must supersede one’s desire for comfort or happiness. This principle would not require someone to indefinitely endure unrepentant acts that constitute biblical grounds for divorce (see biblical grounds below). Decisions must be made under the spiritual care, counsel, and authority of the elders.

5. Divorce may be permissible, but is never commanded. Two believers should always be willing to pursue repentance and reconciliation as part of a life seeking to honor God.

6. Biblically allowed divorce implies the right before God to pursue biblical remarriage. They must seek the counsel and care of church leadership in this process.

7. In cases where Christians come to the church having already participated in unbiblical divorce or remarriage situations, the church will strive to provide compassionate counsel that will lead to personal understanding of these biblical principles, and a careful repentance for all involved.

Biblical Grounds for Divorce

Divorce is allowed for two reasons. Below are explanations of those two broad biblical categories.

1. Divorce is allowed in cases of unrepentant sexual immorality (Matthew 5:31-32; 19:8-9).

  • The “sexual immorality” referenced (Greek, porneia), is broader than adultery, and would include the litany of sexual sins listed in the Old Testament (specifically Leviticus 20:10-21).
  • This provision may also include other violations not specifically mentioned, but which are similar in nature. To constitute biblical grounds for divorce, the sexually deviant behavior of this kind must be continual and unrepentant.
  • Evaluations and decisions must be made under the spiritual care, counsel, and authority of the local church elders.

2. Divorce is allowed when an unbelieving spouse abandons the marriage covenant (“unbelieving” may be determined by their profession, or through the application of church discipline).

  • The unbeliever leaves. First Corinthians 7:12-15 clearly teaches that when an unbelieving spouse “consents to live with” the believer, then the believer should remain married to them. When the unbelieving spouse separates/leaves, however, the believer is not bound to the marriage covenant.
  • The unbeliever says they want to, or are going to leave, but will not. An unbelieving spouse’s unwillingness to remain married (1 Corinthians 7:13-15) may be broader than physical separation or leaving. Repeated expression of resolve and/or desire to divorce, while not pursuing the good will of a mutually beneficial and healthy marriage, may also be not “consenting to live with.”
  • The unbeliever does not threaten leaving in any way, but live as though they have abandoned the marriage. There may be other extreme cases where church leaders determine that the unbelieving spouse has “effectively abandoned” the marriage covenant, although they do not pursue or express a
    desire to separate or divorce.
  • Evaluations and decisions must be made under the spiritual care, counsel, and authority of the local church elders.

Now, here are a few comments abuse survivors and advocates sent to me in response to the first post:

  • Look at all the ‘shoulds and musts’ in this, and the mention of ‘church authority’ and ‘church discipline’. The victim is not permitted to make her own decisions.
  • Where is the scripture that says you must “entrust” yourself to church leadership? To God, yes, but the church elder board, just like the Pharisees of the time, did not have the authority to tell people if they could or could not get divorced. It’s not their place. (Abuse survivor/advocate)
  • You know, the Bible makes no clarification about a divorce taking place only when the adulterer is unrepentant. It only says divorce is allowed if there is adultery, period. So all these additions they make about being unrepentant are the Pharisees making additions of their own man made traditions and doctrines. (Abuse survivor)
  • The Bible also makes no clarifying statements about the leaders or Church making those decisions for a believer about abusive marriages. None! It’s all additions by power hungry leaders taking control of believers’ lives. (Abuse survivor)

My last post also included two sermon outlines from messages preached by the pastors of this same church. Here is a portion of one of those outlines to refresh your memory, followed by a very insightful comment by an abuse survivor and professional counselor. You will notice here that the very same theme laid out in the position paper continues to rear up in this pastor’s teaching – that victims must not make decisions for themselves but are required to put themselves under the “care and counsel” of the pastors:

Sermon outline-

  1. Individuals should put themselves under the care and counsel of godly shepherds
  2. Church leadership must understand and respond properly to abuse
    • Scripture requires God’s people to protect the innocent sufferer, and to seek justice toward the oppressor (Psa. 82:3-4; Psa. 10)
    • God-given authorities exist to bring justice where it is needed (Rom. 13:1-4)
    • Discernment must be used to measure and apply principles of repentance, confession, forgiveness, and accountability
  3. Victims must understand and respond properly to abuse
    • To not “cry out” ignores God’s desire for justice, and neglects God’s provision and protection for you and others
    • The abused must overcome fear, and entrust themselves to God and those called to protect and care for them

And here is the victim survivor/professional counselor’s comment:

I have a problem with statements like this: “Discernment must be used to measure and apply principles of repentance, confession, forgiveness, and accountability.” Yes, their discernment usually means and they go by how the abuser presents himself to them (fake). Also, after they said all that, then they offer the only two biblical reasons for divorce! And abuse isn’t included, so they would be compassionate and offer “care and counsel,” but not authorize (which of course they don’t have the authority to do) divorce for abuse. Very cleverly worded on their part to look like they are advocates for victims.

We must be wise. Professing Christians – pastors, elders, church members, counselors, etc – so often present themselves as experts who are wiser than we are, who are appointed by God to rule over us, as people who claim to “care,” when in fact the authority they are claiming has not been given to them by God at all. Such people are quite capable of displaying a kind, caring, knowledgeable appearance, but only later do we find out that in fact they intend to enslave us.

The local church does indeed have authority – the authority of Christ. But notice that virtually all of the authoritative statements in this position paper and in these sermon outlines, apply to the abuse victim, not to the abuser. In fact, the authority of the local church to deal with abuse in its midst (as with all sin by professing brethren) applies to the abuser, to the wicked! It is the evil man who falsely claims to be a Christian who is to be put out of the church. That is genuine authority (see 1 Cor 5). But this church focuses on what the innocent must do, the authority the victim must submit to.

Finally, in any claim to be a true advocate of abuse victims and justice-seeker in regard to abusers, a church like this that is associated with John MacArthur, Jr. needs to openly break with MacArthur’s longstanding position and teaching that abuse is not grounds for divorce. And any past wrong dealings with victims and abusers needs to be humbly confessed and repented of before I would begin to think that just perhaps such a church is on the right track to genuine advocacy for the oppressed and abused.