You know how the typical arguments against divorce for abuse go. Most of you have heard them too many times. They are based upon ignorance or even willful distortion of God’s Word.
So let me show you biblical proof that the Lord wants you free not only of a marriage to an abuser, but from any relationship with a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist).
2Co 6:14-18 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? (15) What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? (16) What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. (17) Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, (18) and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
1Co 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
Regarding the first passage – don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers – almost always this is applied to marriage BEFORE the fact. That is, a Christian is not to marry a non-Christian (although notice that Paul is not specifically speaking about marriage here. He means in all relationships). But why in the world don’t we apply it AFTER the fact? AFTER marriage? His instruction is “Therefore go out from their midst and be separate from them.”
In the last verse here, vs 18, the Lord promises to be the father of all who break off from the wicked. We will come back to this.
But look now at 1 Cor 15:33. “Bad company ruins good morals.” Think about that. Good morals degenerate into bad morals if we keep company with bad people. G.K. Beale wrote a book about idolatry and it is based upon this principle:
Psa 115:4-8 Their idols are silver and gold, the work of human hands. (5) They have mouths, but do not speak; eyes, but do not see. (6) They have ears, but do not hear; noses, but do not smell. (7) They have hands, but do not feel; feet, but do not walk; and they do not make a sound in their throat. (8) Those who make them become like them; so do all who trust in them.
See it? People become like the god they worship.
Now, an idol is anything that we install to a higher level than God. [NOTE: Please don’t interpret what I am about to say as an accusation against all abuse victims who are remaining in their marriage. It can be profoundly difficult to extricate oneself from such a relationship, especially when there are children]. When a person continues in a relationship with a RASN, they are not only keeping bad company, they will increasingly cover for the wicked one’s sin. They are compromising. In a way, the RASN becomes a kind of idol. And idolaters defend their idol.
But what I have seen repeatedly is, when a victim of abuse chooses to remain in that marriage when in fact they could get free of it, they are choosing to keep bad company. That bad company WILL have a corrupting effect upon their morals. NOTICE that in that last verse of the first scripture above (2 Cor 6:18), the Lord promises to be a father to all who come out from among the wicked. Do you see what this indicates? It means that if we choose to remain attached to the wicked, that choice is going to have a distancing effect upon our relationship with the Lord.
Those who make them become like them; so do all who trust in them.
I have seen it. I have seen abuse victims become abusers. If you live with a narcissist by choice, you will become increasingly narcissistic yourself. And if you do this by choice, you will be living a lie – especially if you claim to be a Christian. You will necessarily have to construct a fantasy existence, because RASNs live a fantasy existence. You will end up supporting their fiction, and you will become a character in their diabolic novel.
This is meant to encourage you!! These scriptures cited above show us clearly that the Lord wants His people to be free of yokes with the wicked. And that includes divorcing a wicked spouse.